Day 115: A Taste Of It

I finished Denise Chavez's Loving Pedro Infante during my lunch hour, and something clicked into place. I caught a glimpse of my old happiness. And it exploded on me--in a good way--on the way back to work. For the first time since last spring, I felt the old happiness, the old excitement, and the feeling that everything's wide-open. For that moment, I shook off the confining sense of terminal doom that's been riding on me for six months.

I had my music going, the breeze flew through my open windows, and I felt open. I can think of no other way to describe it.

I don't expect this crazy manic moment to sustain itself, but I know I'm starting to come back to myself. Finally.

I'm not back yet. But I'm coming.

J

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The game would never end until I grew tired and finally decided to stop.

At some point, you just have to stop.

You have to.

Denise Chavez, Loving Pedro Infante

Day 108: ...And I Did It

I'm in.

I was accepted during my interview, before acceptance letters go out.

It's all finally coming together. The last six months are finally being vindicated.

I can't express the relief/joy/rush I felt coming out of that interview. This is the best thing that's happened to me since I graduated from UT.

Things are happening.

J

Day 105: The Best News I've Gotten In Months

I'll be interviewing Thursday for a spot in the teaching program. I haven't wanted anything this badly since last year. I didn't realize how badly my fire had gone out till now. But I've got this in my sights. I'm set for it. With my experience mentoring and tutoring kids and the support network I have of friends and mentors working in education, this has to be mine.

I just might be Mr. Vigil after all. See you in the classroom...

J

Day 102: I'm Back

Finally, I got back to NeoSoul night.

And it was fuckin' great to be back.

Finally, something besides work and tutoring.

This schedule will not beat me down.

Back on track.

Much Love,
J

Day 95: Right Now, Still

I dreamed about him.

And it brought everything back so that I feel like it's last October right now.

Still? Are you serious?

*sigh*

I give up. I throw up my hands. I'm out of good ideas.

All the rationalization and anger in the world don't change how I feel right now.

Over five months. It stil hurts.

Have to keep pushing...

J